It is with great courage and much cowardice that I’ve decided to lay out some ideas for a brand new political party, called Goodies For All, or “GFA” for short.

     “I was hoping you wouldn’t do this,” my friend interjected.

     “Don’t worry,” I told her. “I’m wearing Under Armor and have a special escape plan in place.”

     “Barge ahead then.”

     “First of all, for my red state friends, Goodies For All will enact a humongous tax cut for every American and all their dogs, excluding, of course, Chihuahuas. Moreover, we will finish the wall, launch the space rangers, and maybe buy Greenland if we get the chance.”

     “That sounds a lot like the Republican platform,” my friend put in.

     “But wait. For my blue state friends, GFA will provide health care for everyone, including undocumented immigrants and extraterrestrials. Moreover, we’ll provide a guaranteed monthly income for every American, free college, free day care, and forgiveness of student loans.”

     “That’s pretty close to the Democrat platform, isn’t it?”

     “Yes, but here’s the clincher. GFA promises free donuts for everyone.”

     “Donuts?”

     “That right. Delivered hot every Saturday. A dozen for every home.”

     “Have you been smoking something?”

     “Hey, think of all the new jobs this is going to create, at Krispy Kreme and Tim Hortons and Dunkin’ Donuts. Not to mention all the delivery trucks …”

     “And how would you pay for all this?”

     “Not a problem. We print money, borrow from the Chinese and let the dollar slide …”

     “You’re living in a bubble,” she said.

     “Yes,” I admitted. “But it’s very pleasant in here.”